Rants by an Asian! =O

Asians and Talking Loud

Joe Shmo — Mon, 08 Sep 2008 20:31:20 +0000

For some reason when my family talks in Chinese they fricking YELL IN MY EAR. I don’t know whats’ up with them but every Chinese person I see has to talk in Chinese so loud. So I’ve developed a secret word to silence them……..

SHUT UP!

Just kidding if I did that well, let’s say I wouldn’t be posting anymore. So my I’ve complied a list of why Asians talk so loud……

Our bowl shaped haircuts cover our ears blocking out all sounds so we have a need to shout!
The small Asians eyes that block our sight make it seem like the person we’re talking to is far away so we shout.
After being so quiet with everyone we feel the need to yell at people to let out all the excess Asian voices.
Cause we can.
As children being yelled at for getting an A and not an A+ we feel the need to yell at others to let out our anger and cause Yelling is fun.

Yup thats about it.

Describing Interracials in Food Form!

Joe Shmo — Sun, 07 Sep 2008 16:38:20 +0000

Yum yum yum. Lets break each race down into simple colors.
African American- Black
Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Taiwnese, Thai, and all those other slanty eyed people
-Yellow
Caucasian-White
Indian-Brown

That’s about it Native Americans are also brown by the way. So once we got the basics down we start mixing! YUM YUM JUST LIKE MAKING CAKE!

Yellow + White=Twinkies or Banana! All creamy and white on the inside but yellow on the outside!
Brown + White=Rocky Road Ice Cream! Brown with some White inside delicious!
Black + White=Smore, Vanilla, or even an Ice Cream Sandwich!
White + White= Captain Crunch or Rice Crispies! Delicious.

Yummy combination time to get me some of those “Nice Twinkies” if you know what I mean *nudge nudge wink wink*.

P.S I know all of my combination’s was with white that’s cause that’s the easiest!

Also I just say this stuff for fun so don’t take it offensive and this is just a hobby.

Asian’s Rapping

Joe Shmo — Sun, 07 Sep 2008 16:30:29 +0000

Asians should not rap no matter what the cost.
Just don’t try it because it won’t make sense and probably a man chocking on a copy of the newest copy of a Hello Kitty dvd will sound better.
I take that back a chicken singing while being strangled by Hello Kitty using chopsticks and a spork (i know a spoon and a fork in one AMAZING!) with Arnold Swachenager pulling on its leg would sound better.
Yup and never try to be gansta unless you can defintley pull it off. Cause while other races can, you can’t! Who sees a slanty eyed kid who looks like he has his eyes closed cussing every two words for five minutes? Wouldn’t that be a sight in fact it would probably be on America’s Funniest Home Videos.

Yup thats it for my awesome Asian Rant.

Usually I would say I write this stuff for fun, but really Asian’s suck at rapping. Some are good but most just kind of well… suck.

No Asians in Star Wars!(the movies)

Joe Shmo — Sun, 07 Sep 2008 16:28:50 +0000

Ok, so any of seen Star Wars you notice there are NO ASIAN JEDI. For all of you star wars geeks there are NO ASIAN PEOPLE AT ALL! I mean what happened in the future? Did all those aliens not like eggrolls and dumplings?! Causing a mass hysteria within the Asian colonies and with no money they all died off? Same with african americans the only one is Samuel L. Jackson and yes he will kick your Mother F*U$# ass with his PURPLE lightsaber. So I made a Darth China a reincarnation of all the dead Asian people combined into one soul and he doesn’t need no light saber all he needs an CHOPSTICK!

Yup i’m done i’ll try not to do a nerdy rant again but it was so tempting……

Once again I respect Star wars as a movie and all that stuff.

Rant about Asians! (yes I am Asian the Irony)

Joe Shmo — Sun, 07 Sep 2008 16:27:10 +0000

Ok my first rant is about Asians.
-WHY ARE YOU SO SLANTY EYED OPENED YOUR EYES
-Please talk to somebody else other than your mom, your self in the closet, other Asian people, and that creepy guy at the dumpster.
-Stop being smart… give other races a chance to be smart!
On the topic of that I might as well go over the Asian term of grades
A-Average Asian, you are an average Asian if you get an A
B-Bad, you might get hit on the head for that or an egg roll thrown at you.
C-Crap, your gonna get kicked out of your house for a week, but nothing an Asian can’t handle!
D-Die, if you get a D well your dead, they’re going to kill you when your Mom goes all Bruce Lee on your @$$.
F-FU$# OMFG YOU GET AN F?!?!?!??! YOU’RE GOING TO KILL YOUR SELF BEFORE YOUR PARENTS DO! I’m not kidding commit sucide before your parents see this F. Cause they are going to torture you by peeling off your skin with a sharp fortune cookie then burn you in hot Sweet & Sour sauce. After that you’ll still be alive the powers of Jackie Chan and Bruce Lee will be combined into one force into your Mom and she’ll beat your @$$ so many times until your dead than burn your body.
Yup thats it.

By the way I respect all races please do not take this offensive I just write this when I’m bored.